There are two kinds of Presidents – the real and the imaginary.
The real include Barack Obama, Ronald Reagan, and George Washington.
The imaginary include Aaron Eckhart (as Benjamin Asher), Bill Pullman (as Thomas J. Whitmore), and Harrison Ford (as James Marshall).
But what if there was a third category? Somewhere between the real and the imaginary … the surreal President.
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to have your minds blown as I reveal this third President already exists, and his name is Trump.
Or The Donald. Or TRUMP. Or Donald J. Trump.
Donald has been living with our families for a long time: although we never got to see his Broadway show Paris Is Out! (because it closed early), we did read his book in the 80’s and learnt how to make deals; while our black friends weren’t able to rent apartments in Trump buildings, we were able to take in the breath-taking views of the New York skyline from our deluxe room atop the Grand Hyatt New York.
Remember the times we ate his steaks? Drank his water? Gambled in his Taj Mahal casino? Flew with his Trump Airlines? Played a round at Trump International Golf Links in Ireland? Refinanced our home with Trump Mortgage? Doused ourselves in his fragrance until we reeked of Success? How we WON playing Trump: The Game (because it doesn’t matter if you win or lose, so long as you WIN!)? Ogled over the flesh displayed in his Miss Universe, Miss USA, and Miss Teen USA beauty pageants? Wept at his four bankruptcies (even though he said they were “very good for me”)? Consoled ourselves with Trump Vodka? Felt vindicated when he inherited over $50 million in 1999?
More than anything, we remember The Apprentice.
What a wonderful show. Personally, I never missed an episode (no sarcasm, absolute truth). I’m sure you’re the same. How could you? Action, adventure, intrigue … the only thing it lacked was romance.
It whetted our appetite – we needed MORE of The Donald.
Whilst his ratings were HUGE it wasn’t enough. We wanted Mr Trump on our tv, in our radio, and across our internet 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
This is why Donald is a genius. A visionary. A living god.
He realised he could put his enormous talents to good use by running not a business, but a country. He could stop being the embodiment of the TRUMP™ brand, and become the manifestation of freedom, equality and justice.
And this is where the surreal President was born.
More than Ronald Reagan could have ever dreamt to be, Trump is a living representation of Hollywood. Reagan played tough guys in movies, Trump plays a tough guy every day, and allows it to be televised.
He is a master negotiator, manipulator and chick magnet.
Ergo, he can’t be real. He’s too good to be true.
Ipso facto, the surreal President.
But he can’t be a true surreal President without his own movie trailer.
It is with great pride that I present to you, the greatest President of the United States of America, Donald John Trump, in America Has Fallen.